I think I’ve just realised that I have a fear of imposing on others. While I have an overwhelming need to help or get a lot of satisfaction from doing stuff for others, I have a paralyzing fear of asking things of others. This extends to “perceived” imposing such as waking people who want to be woken or being handed responsibility and going so far overboard that it needs to be right in order to get someone’s approval.
I think this is what lends me to shaping myself to others’ wants and needs. It doesn’t mean I’m not genuine but it does mean that my life can be dragged off the tracks no matter how important something is to me.
It’s frustrating because I have hopes and dreams and things that are extremely important to me. Unless I can trust that those around me won’t ask too much of me, I cannot follow the life I’d like.
I don’t see me anymore,
A rippled reflection,
Of a former self.
Static and bled dry,
Scattered like 52 card pick up.
Blending into the floorboards,
Amongst the crumbs,
Been left there for years.
Drowning in a puddle.
Let’s go Red Sox! Woohoo!!!!
The lowest ticket price on ebay for a single seat at Fenway Wednesday night is just under $900.
A man with cracked and broken things,
Everything he touches is shattered,
The only thing clear, is the glass between his frames.
He’s a helper man, who tries to fix what needs fixing,
Little things always falter, And he’s left with crumbles.
He is now a broken man.
His lonely walkway, where grass grows between the cobblestone,
A small house built with his aged hands, sinks into the grassy marsh (that grew just a bit too far into the broken man’s living room).
Illness stole his dreams, his wife, his dog.
And now he hides,
from all the fractures that have plagued his life,
For a man with many broken things, will soon succumb to his wounds, when it all falls down.
I need a break.
I need an out.
This hole won’t hold me much longer.
The longer I stay, the deeper it gets.
I miss people.
Interaction, movement, living, breathing.
Boxed out of life.
"He said he was very sorry but that I was sounding a little crazy and should probably leave her care in the hands of medical professionals. I know, I said, that’s a very rational and time-proven theory, but I don’t think it’s going to work this time. "